Anyone Who Says Differently is Selling Something
by Jayxaline
Summary: Inspired by the promo for 3x05 (The Kiss) and The Princess Bride, a retelling, but with a very special recasting and more than one twist to the original stories. Swanfire, Captain Swan, Rumbelle, Snowing, otherwise being ambiguous, don't want to spoil anything :P


**[Thought i'd take a swing at what is now becoming a staple to any ouat ff author's repertoire, but with a little bit of a tweak on the original story- enjoy :) ]**

The tension in the air was palpable.

The thick, stuffy room stifling, pressing heavily down on its' current occupant, who found himself already having enough trouble trying to breathe.

Sweat dripped down Henry's brow as he observed his goal, straining to focus, his head muddled and foggy, his eyes drooping. He had run through it a million times in his head- he knew exactly what he needed to do- he wouldn't mess up this time- never again.

He sucked in a final breath of air before he warily approached the castle.

Hardly had he taken more than a handful of steps, when he was greeted by the subtle sound of creaking… Suddenly, without more warning than that, the wooden planks beneath him feet gave way, causing him to fall through the hole. He grasped onto the ledge tightly, eyes directed downward, waiting.

It didn't take long before the hideous beast surfaced from the moat- all eyes, tentacles and purple gunk- reaching up, attempting to wrap itself around him. However, he was prepared for this, and swung away from them, using his leg's momentum to pull himself back up through the hole he had fallen through and back onto the bridge- the foul creature hot on his heels, following quickly, tentacles reaching out desperately- but he managed to narrowly miss them, dodging under the closing castle gates with ease.

He couldn't rest now however- not by a long shot. He had been down this road before and he knew that he was far from the end.

He had reached the second room, a small room with three doors. He didn't bother attempting to reach for one, expecting what came next. The room began to shake violently, rocks breaking away from the walls and tumbling down from the ceiling, right above his head. He avoided the collision just in time, smoothly darting through the now open door to his right and onto the next challenge area.

Two down.

The next room was a bit trickier- deserted like the one before it, but with a flight of stairs to his right and a chairless table propped in the middle of the room. He approached it with trepidation, sword still drawn- sword always drawn- ready to strike.

It didn't take long- it never did- for the single green tentacle to reach down from the ceiling, swaying in his direction, trying feebly to grasp at him. He was too quick for it, and turned, slicing it in half. His efforts were met with only the smallest satisfaction of spilt blood, before the rest of the creature reared its' ugly head- or overabundance of tentacles in this case- bursting through the floor, sending cobblestones flying; spilling out from every wall and crevice, all reaching hungrily for him.

He jumped over them, anticipating their movements and hopping around the room to evade them, before finally coming to the stairs. He eyed them suspiciously for a moment before deciding to attempt to climb them. No sooner had he set foot on them, however, that more tentacles burst through the trap door above him, sprawling over the stone steps and sliding down. He hurriedly leaped off the structure and onto the lone table, now completely surrounded.

Right when everything seemed most dire, the door behind him opened up.

He dove for it, hurrying through without once glancing back, hearing the fierce collision of the tentacles as they slammed forcefully against closed door.

Henry couldn't help but grin. So far, so good.

He couldn't help but wonder why a castle would have a room full of flaming, swinging ropes and moving pedestals. It didn't seem like the most practical room- but then again, neither did the room with the snakes and the apparent kraken infestation. Three swings and he was out of it, relieved but by no means any calmer. All of this stuff was easy- he had done all of this stuff a hundred times; learning from his mistakes and vowing to never make them again.

And so he faced the crumbling pathways and the booby traps- dove into the pool of water and escaped the enormous hoard of water snakes. Slayed the alarmingly large spider and the even more alarming goo-monster, ghost, and weird spear-wielding purple monkey-kangaroos that came after it.

Everything was going well, as he knew it would, until…

'_Save me!'_Princess Daphne gasped in her breathy voice- just a flash of blonde hair before she was pulled behind one of the many doors.

He was getting close.

A sudden whirlwind swept him off his feet, carrying him through the next room and through another with more fire- green this time. He evaded it as he had evaded everything else and moved swiftly passed it, his mind no longer on the task before him, but on the task ahead- he knew what was coming next.

He took another raspy, shuddering breath as his eyes fell onto the metal horse- armored like a warhorse, but legless and as stationary as a statue.

Until he mounted it.

Then it burst into life, bucking around wildly and speeding ahead.

Right,

Left,

Right,

Left,

Left

Almost there-

A sudden spasm seemed to overcome his body and he doubled over, coughing hard enough that a sharp pain pierced through his throat. He winced, knowing it was all over, almost unable to bare looking up.

Sure enough, when the coughing subsided and he finally managed to raise his head to find himself staring back at the brave knight, arms crossed, a scowl on his face as he rapidly deteriorated into a skeleton, before collapsing into a heap of bones.

"Oh _come on!_" Henry exclaimed in frustration, wincing as another sharp pain shot through his throat, dropping the controller as he was sent into yet another coughing fit, before flinging himself against a mountain of pillows behind him.

"Uck- that doesn't sound good." A voice proclaimed in sympathy once the coughing had subsided. Henry glanced over in time to see his mom entering the room, pausing at the doorway with a frown on her face. "_God_it's stuffy in here!" She announced, walking over to his bedroom window and yanking it open before turning her attention back on him. "How're you holdin' up, Kid?"

"Lousy." Henry replied, a petulant pout forming as he glanced back at the tv screen. His mom chuckled.

"What got you this time?"

"Rammed my horse into a wall."

His mom laughed again.

"Wait until it flips in reverse."

"_Mom! Spoilers!_" Henry exclaimed, clapping his hands over his ears and glaring at her reproachfully- earning him a raised eyebrow as she sat on the edge of his bed, smirking.

"Henry, that game's almost older than _I_am!"

"So? I've never played it!"

His mother shook her head, still grinning, before her face fell, worry creasing her brow.

"Seriously, feeling any better?" She asked, reaching up and touching his damp forehead, frowning.

Henry shrugged.

"A little bit- throat still hurts."

His mother continued to frown in sympathy, moving his hair away from his brow before standing and clearing the dishes that had piled up on his bedside table.

"You're grandfather's stopping by in a little bit."

"What? Doesn't he know I'm sick?" Henry asked, surprised. His mom glanced back at him with an amused smirk.

"Why the hell do you think he's coming over?" The words _I didn't invite him_left off of the tail end of that sentence, but he heard them anyway, knowing she would have added them if she were in front of anyone else. It wasn't lost on Henry that there was little love between his mom and her father in law- but they were civil- which was more than could be said about _other_family members.

"I'm sure it'll be fine, Mom." Henry attempted to reassure her, only to get an eye roll.

"I swear, if he calls me 'Dearie' one more time, I'm taking away that cane of his."

"Maybe he won't." Henry replied, ever the optimist.

"Ah, Henry." A voice greeted- as if summoned by the mere discussion of him, causing them both to jump.

"Hey Grampa." Henry replied with a grin.

The older man stood in the doorway, leaning on his cane, a mild smile on his face as he glanced over at Henry's mother, who seemed to be doing her best to suppress the scowl that instinctively fell upon her face.

"Hello, Dearie."

"Gold." His mother replied, with a begrudging nod, before turning her attention back to Henry. "I'm gonna run a few quick errands- I'll be back at two. Can I trust you two won't get into trouble while I'm gone?" Henry's mom asked, folding her arms in front of her chest and eying Henry's grandfather suspiciously.

For his part, he played the unassuming, kindly old man; smiling up at her pleasantly.

"Absolutely, miss Swan, I assure you I will take the utmost care of him."

"Yeah, sure." Henry's mom managed, before walking over to Henry and kissing him on the forehead. "I'll be back soon." She muttered.

"Don't wait up, Dearie." Henry's grandfather called back as she exited the room.

It was only when the door had closed that Henry's grandfather turned his attention back to his grandson, smirk shifting, and replaced by a genuine smile as he observed him.

"What is this you're doing, Henry?" His grandfather asked, curiously, motioning to the television, where the large, bold words "_**Dragon's Lair**_" shot out at him, the music blaring epicly, enticing him to continue. Henry turned away from it, shrugging apathetically.

"Just a video game."

His grandfather tutted.

"Video games- your grandmother would be mortified to hear it- let's turn that off, shall we?" He commented, hobbling over to the bedside table and grabbing the television remote, effectively eliminating the distraction before he took a seat at the available chair beside Henry's bed, sighing and resting his cane against the bedside table.

"Not much else to do around here." Henry commented in his own defense, " Mom won't let me get out of bed until my fever's back to the double digits."

His grandfather chuckled.

"As well you should." He agreed, leaning over and grabbing a large, wrapped parcel that Henry had only vaguely observed when he had entered, and set it beside Henry on the bed. "I anticipated you might say as much-" He continued, leaning back in the chair, "so I brought you something."

Henry perked up immediately, straightening in bed, suddenly much more awake.

"What? You brought me a present?" He asked in surprise, looking down at the gift with a mixture of confusion and delight. It wasn't as though this were the first time he had ever gotten sick. Not by a longshot- but it was definitely the first time he ever got anything out of it.

"That's right, from both myself and your grandmother." His grandfather replied, Henry, so elated and baffled by the pleasant surprise, and too distracted unwrapping it, completely missed the intent look his grandfather was giving him.

The boy's features fell slightly as the object was revealed.

"A book?" He replied, knowing that he should have expected as much from his grandmother but couldn't help his small shred of disappointment.

"Yes, that's right- back in my day, television used to be called books- and this here is a special book; it's the book that I used to read to your father when he was a lad."

"Really? My dad?" Henry exclaimed, surprised, brightening up immediately.

"That's right, my boy, and today, I'm going to read it to you."

Henry paused, looking down at the large, leather bound, worn cover; hand tracing over the letters. It looked old- _really_old; pages yellowed from age, leather dry and cracked. The book reminded him immediately of an old relic you would find after a long quest...

"Does it have any sword fighting in it?" Henry asked, looking up hopefully.

His grandfather's intent gaze broke once more into a grin at Henry's upturned head.

"You bet. Fencing, fighting- torture, revenge- chases, escapes- true love, miracles..."His grandfather replied, enticingly.

Henry's eyes widened eagerly, looking down at the book with all new interest, thumb once again tracing over the hand-stitched letters, thoughtfully.

"That doesn't sound too bad…" He said after a moment, handing the book back to his grandfather. "I'll try and stay awake." He added with a sheepish smile, before yawning. His head _was_still a little fuzzy, his eyelids heavy. His grandfather smirked, raising an eyebrow.

"Your vote of confidence is overwhelming." He replied sarcastically, opening it up and flipping to the first page. "Very well then," He began, clearing his throat and straightening up, glancing at Henry briefly to assure that he was, indeed listening, "Once Upon A Time…"


End file.
